My biggest goal in these daily emails (/blog posts) is to find a solution to self-sabotage.
It’s a life-long project, sure, but it’s been untenably severe during certain times in my life.
I’m sure self-sabotage is a subject important to you too (as it is to most/all of us), so reply or comment on this with your thoughts and tips.
Eliminating of The Devil Within
For 10 years now I’ve been trying to solve this problem, trying to open up my potential. I’ve suffered the pain of failure and subsequent self-doubt and even self-contempt that has built over time.
A few weeks ago, I was hit by a realisation that I had within me a healthy vein of repressed narcissism. This ego, this grandiosity, may have been instrumental in my failure by subtly convincing me of one thing:
“I have to change right now, and I have to change BIG!”
In other words, I believed I needed to (and was able to) utterly eliminate self-sabotage in one mighty swoop!
(Plus, I didn’t need nobody but me!)
Consciously I would not have said this was true, but my actions bore out these attitudes and beliefs and your actions are a better test of your true beliefs than your words, right?
Now, thankfully, I’m starting to admit my limitations.
Working with The Devil Within
It hurts to accept:
- My progress will be slow
- Backsliding will happen
- I can’t do it alone
- Goals will need to be modest
- I will never be the perfect superman I always fantasised being
- i.e. The destination will not be as I imagine
I will need to be stoic and industrious with no promise (or even expectation) of results
- Lastly: The thing that really needs to be worked on is not my “awesomeness”, but my character.
The focus needs to be reasonable, humble, and often downright boring development of my moral character.
I must burn away the fantasy backdrop of a sort of extra-human success or awesomeness, and raise in its place the image of a man who is responsible, stalwart, and sensible…(Ugh! Really? Do I have to be?)…enough to be trusted with the care of a family, a community, a business, or more.
You can’t eliminate the devil that’s holding you back.
Accept his presence and work with him.
Then, maybe you’ll watch it become an angel who’s merely tasked with keeping your feet on firm ground.
I hope so.